a coherent discussion of surgery

My surgery was originally scheduled to be Tuesday the 11th @ 1130, but I got a call the day before that the person before me was cancelled, so I got bumped to 930. My initial thought was annoyance. With an 1130 surgery I had to sign in at 930, so with a 930 surgery that meant I had to sign in at 730. So much for sleeping in.

(As a side note, mermaid style dresses should be outlawed. Yes, I’m watching Say Yes to the Dress. Wow, that dress was distracting…)

Anyway, when I woke up Tuesday morning I was really excited that my surgery was at 930, because I was really hungry and super parched. So, the less time I had to spend waiting to eat and drink, the better. I got all checked in, and got the usual “you’re here for a total hip replacement – but you’re SO young!”. Yes. I know. They stole some of my blood and inserted the IV. This is always the most fun part. Blood drawing/IV insertion always goes one of three ways:

1) OMG your veins are SO SMALL. *tie* *flick flick tap tap* *sigh* Let me try the other arm. *tie* *flick tap tap* Maybe the other side was better. This person will usually not get it on the first try. Often times not on the second try either. And on many occasions, said person will call for backup. Eventually someone succeeds, and I leave looking like a drug addict.

2) Oh, you have great veins! The ones in your hands are really great! I’ve heard that line enough to know that when someone goes after my hands, the veins roll. I warn this confident phlebotomist/nurse that the veins roll. They tell me not to worry. *poke* Would you look at that? It DID roll.”

3) Oh, you have great veins. *stick* Done.

Clearly experience #3 is my favorite, but it’s the least common. This nurse was mostly a #3. She did have to stick me twice, but I could tell she felt really bad about it, so I cut her some slack.

I would like to take this moment to tell any nurse, phlebotomist, CNA, MA, and anyone else who draws blood – if the patient has small veins, don’t tell them. If those are the first words that come out of your mouth when we meet, I know I’m in trouble. I don’t like that.

That was pretty much my prep. Met with the anesthesiologist who had NO sense of humor. We decided on using an epidural rather than general anesthesia. Let me just say, epidurals are freaking weird. Weird! One moment you have legs, the next you don’t. Weird.

Also met with the surgeon. We discussed how things were gonna go down.

Put on the lovely gown and was ready to go.

Can’t really tell you much about the surgery. I was sleeping. ha)

I don’t remember much about waking up. It was much more pleasant than traditional anesthesia, though. They gave me sleepy meds through the epidural, which are easier to shake off. Though, I do remember asking my anesthesiologist how the appendectomy went.

Recovery took a few hours because I had to be able to wiggle my toes before they’d move me to my room. I felt like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill – wiggle your big toe…

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur. Morphine has a way of doing that to me.