HA

It just hit me. I am 29 and I have a fake hip. LOL

Seriously! That’s ridiculous.

the first bill came today…

My new hip really IS worth more than your car. lol

Yes, it says 61 thousand.

So, the nurse told me that the swelling would move down my leg, from my thigh and “out my foot”. I thought she sounded like a loon. But check this out!

She wasn’t kidding!

My cats have finally decided they love me again.

In Sawyer’s case, I think it’s because he loves the warmth of the heating pad. I can’t keep him off of me when that thing is on. I’ve also never seen him fall asleep so quickly. Griffin is my monitor. He spends a lot of the day laying with me, making sure I’m okay. Princess is being her typical self, she lays with me when she feels like it. And Bailey has decided it’s his job to keep my feet warm. How helpful.

Of course I have lots of photos, but I’d rather take a nap than upload them, so it’ll have to wait. I can hear the groans.

update (sort of, but not really)

Saw the doctor yesterday.

That’s pretty much it.

This is basically a 3 month healing process and there isn’t a damn thing in the world I can do to make it go faster.

Those of you who know me know that I am a control freak. I have NO control over this. None. Zilch. Zero. There is NOTHING I can do but wait.

I hate waiting. I am impatient. And this sucks. A lot.

3 more weeks of crutches for sure, then we move to a cane (ha ha ha, yeah right) or one crutch. I’m goin’ with the latter. I may have the hip of an old woman, a geriatric toilet seat, and a shower bench, but I’d be damned if I walk with a cane.

‘Tis interesting, the things we take for granted. Like, let’s say I want something that’s 4 feet away. Too far to reach, even with my grabber, so it requires me to get my crutches, and crutch my way the two or three steps to said item, then crutch the few steps back. There’s no cheating. One wrong move could pop my spiffy new little ball out of socket so I have to be super careful. It’s annoying. I think I might pee myself with delight the first time I can move around without these crutches. I hate them. I’d burn them, or run them over, but chances are I’ll need them later when they do this to my right hip. Goodie!

Exciting news is I can sleep on my non-surgical side now. With a pillow in between my legs, of course, because my feet/legs are not allowed to touch. I bought a body pillow yesterday. I last about 2 hours with it, then my knee starts to hurt and I have to switch back to my back. It’s fun, cause I’m a stomach sleeper. So, forcing me to sleep on my back would probably be a more effective brand of torture than waterboarding, in case anyone wants any top secret information out of me. I sleep on my side sometimes, but that’s my left side, which is the surgical side. So, for now it’s which style of sleeping produces the least amount of discomfort. I’d say right now I sleep no more than 3 hours at a time. Oh how I miss a full night’s sleep.

And that’s my life. If you’re looking for a fun activity, try being Rachelle for a day. You must use crutches at all times, make sure to not bend at the waist, do not bend your left leg past 90 degrees, always get up with your right leg, and try not to eat, because you can’t move much or exercise, so everything you take in is gonna stick and you’re gonna get fat.

Yaay! 🙂

creative minds unite!

I’m thinking it will be fun to make some hip shirts. Get it, hip? ha

But anyway, I need some funny sayings.

So far I have “My hip is worth more than your car.”

I’m drawing a total blank here! I need help! People stare at me – a lot – so I figure I might as well give them something to read while they’re staring. And I’ll for sure need to advertise my situation when I get my handicap parking sticker. 🙂

Suggestions?

I am offended

My cats could not care less that I’m home.

Jerks.

a coherent discussion of surgery

My surgery was originally scheduled to be Tuesday the 11th @ 1130, but I got a call the day before that the person before me was cancelled, so I got bumped to 930. My initial thought was annoyance. With an 1130 surgery I had to sign in at 930, so with a 930 surgery that meant I had to sign in at 730. So much for sleeping in.

(As a side note, mermaid style dresses should be outlawed. Yes, I’m watching Say Yes to the Dress. Wow, that dress was distracting…)

Anyway, when I woke up Tuesday morning I was really excited that my surgery was at 930, because I was really hungry and super parched. So, the less time I had to spend waiting to eat and drink, the better. I got all checked in, and got the usual “you’re here for a total hip replacement – but you’re SO young!”. Yes. I know. They stole some of my blood and inserted the IV. This is always the most fun part. Blood drawing/IV insertion always goes one of three ways:

1) OMG your veins are SO SMALL. *tie* *flick flick tap tap* *sigh* Let me try the other arm. *tie* *flick tap tap* Maybe the other side was better. This person will usually not get it on the first try. Often times not on the second try either. And on many occasions, said person will call for backup. Eventually someone succeeds, and I leave looking like a drug addict.

2) Oh, you have great veins! The ones in your hands are really great! I’ve heard that line enough to know that when someone goes after my hands, the veins roll. I warn this confident phlebotomist/nurse that the veins roll. They tell me not to worry. *poke* Would you look at that? It DID roll.”

3) Oh, you have great veins. *stick* Done.

Clearly experience #3 is my favorite, but it’s the least common. This nurse was mostly a #3. She did have to stick me twice, but I could tell she felt really bad about it, so I cut her some slack.

I would like to take this moment to tell any nurse, phlebotomist, CNA, MA, and anyone else who draws blood – if the patient has small veins, don’t tell them. If those are the first words that come out of your mouth when we meet, I know I’m in trouble. I don’t like that.

That was pretty much my prep. Met with the anesthesiologist who had NO sense of humor. We decided on using an epidural rather than general anesthesia. Let me just say, epidurals are freaking weird. Weird! One moment you have legs, the next you don’t. Weird.

Also met with the surgeon. We discussed how things were gonna go down.

Put on the lovely gown and was ready to go.

Can’t really tell you much about the surgery. I was sleeping. ha)

I don’t remember much about waking up. It was much more pleasant than traditional anesthesia, though. They gave me sleepy meds through the epidural, which are easier to shake off. Though, I do remember asking my anesthesiologist how the appendectomy went.

Recovery took a few hours because I had to be able to wiggle my toes before they’d move me to my room. I felt like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill – wiggle your big toe…

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur. Morphine has a way of doing that to me.

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hi, I’m a hip replacement =)

I like to make you think you’re doing  better, then find a new way to cause you pain.

Sneaky little bugger!

they call me swellow yellowwww

My leg is so swollen, it’s pretty funny. My left knee cap is sort of just buried in swollen fatness. I can barely pull shorts over my left thigh. But let me say, my right thigh has never looked so thin!

I’m feeling a little better today. It might be related to the high quantities of strong pain killers I’m taking. Although I’m more willing the credit the healing powers of Vic’s cheddar cheese popcorn. I have consumed massive quantities of said popcorn over the last few days. The more I consume, the better I feel. Coincidence? I think not.